Wake up by 6:30 a.m., Mass, breakfast with lots of coffee, and a street walk: a typical Monday morning at Christ in the City. Pretty straight forward, hey?
I thought so too, until this particular Monday morning rolled around and kicked me in the butt. Granted, no one likes Mondays, but coming off an especially long week of extra street walks and other things that had piled up, I was pretty drained.
Before lunch, I headed up to the chapel to what I thought was going to be a quick “hey” to Jesus, but He had other plans. I sat in the chapel, staring at the tabernacle, and realized how fragile and raw I felt. I could use the excuse that I was tired or didn’t drink enough coffee, but I don’t think that’s what Jesus was trying to tell me.
I was reminded of a recent talk I’d heard about the masks we put on in our lives. For example, some masks could be pride, sarcasm, jealously, etc. One of the masks I realized I had was fear of being weak. And at that moment in the chapel I felt weak; weak and fragile because I wasn’t “strong” enough to keep it together in front of Jesus. It was twenty minutes of sitting there in utter discomfort until I became just an ounce okay with the fact that I was this weak in front of Him.
I think this was Jesus giving me a sneak peak of what most of our friends on the street experience on a regular basis. Feeling fragile and weak, not knowing what is coming next or when they are going to feel strength again. But I think that’s when community comes into play. I got to bond over a similar struggle that my friend on the street and I shared. Being able to do that together was such a beautiful experience. Through this, we were able to challenge each other, help each other embrace our weaknesses, and recognize the beauty that can come out of our weaknesses.
We all have a desire to be strong and not let anyone see our weaknesses. But it is through our weaknesses and fragility that we become closer to Christ and closer to holiness.